for this

for rain that's falling halfway down the sky...




i apologize...

Huhu. :(

Ang dami daming gagawin, nakakainis...

couldn't sleep today, had about 3 hours of sleep and feeling like fainting but i have to go to school because mark's sick and someone has to pass our litera1 papers and someone has to give gox the payment for senior ball and and and...stuff. im so hungry theres no food left and what more? im slowly killing myself. i can't help but cry. really, i feel like an uncared for child. i went downstairs expecting some leftover pizza my sister ordered last night...if not, at least ANY leftover food...there really is none and i feel like my stomach is eating me. and again....the house is so dirty. i have to clean it again. i am beginning to hate this life.

tangina wala talagang pagkain kahit cereal wala na @_@ WALA NA RIN AKONG PERA! WALA NA AKONG PERA! WALA NA AKONG PERA! naiiyak na talaga ako. pero tangina kelangan ko pumasok. hindi nako makatayo sa sobrang sakit ng tian ko at dahil sa sobrang nahihilo nako. ayoko pa naman pa mamatay @_@ buti pa ung character ko sa wow kumakain sia ng apple ako walang makain ><

i just realized im really not progressing. im like, looking for someone to cling to pero parang feeling ko wala akong kasabay. kung hindi pa sinabi sakin ni gox na magapply to graduate hindi siguro ako makakagraduate. ayoko ng feeling ng ako gumagawa lahat pero mukhang magisa na naman ako....>< hindi pa nga ako nakakapagapply sa trabaho and most times kahit may job opportunity hindi ko na napupuntanahan. ano ba nangyayari saken. i need to move on. i need to take care of myself crap.

So much easier

Why is it so much easier to write soulful phrases when you're feeling blue? I can't seem to write a single line of tangled words.

Today is a day that makes the heavens celebrate and the sky cry with blessing. The air is cold and each measure of it I breathe in seems to drain my energy. I feel alive no more. My body aches with every muscle I try to move. The blistering wind blowing on my face woke me up and reminded me of the present. But with this wonderful feeling of peace, I chose to ignore the present and enter the dreaming realm once again...

(in short im sick, i woke up late, and the electric fan's blowing its wind at me.)

Stress

Gawd, everything is so stressing for me. I have loads of things to do and I don't know where to focus! First of all, I'm doing/coding thesis right. Then as I code and code, new things come up. About last week I found out about curve fitting/cubic spline interpolation and until now I'm still understanding how the thing works. It's 6am and I can't sleep because I've thought of a way to place the interpolating points into code --and I just figured them just now. Man, that's long! Hopefully I can turn the whole code in by tonight or tomorrow -if it works. Sometimes I'm just stressing my mind by thinking of different kinds of things. Oh crap. And I still have documents to send, etc. I feel like I'm in 5 or 6 places at once --doing 5 or 6 different things to satisfy 5 or 6 (groups of) people.

My break? Playing Guild Wars wahaha. When I used to be stressed before, I had an annoying habit but I got rid of it and now my stress reliever is Guild Wars instead. Sometimes I even code/think while playing Guild Wars and Mark's already annoyed at me because I don't focus on playing so we always die hehe sorry boss ><

Oh WTF! My internet connection is so friggin crappy!!! I'd lose DNS ALL THE TIME and I can't browse/surf or connect to the internet at all. I'm currently working and a few minutes ago it'd take a second to load a page and now it's taking minutes. Can I kill PLDT? >< They have a really sucky service. My sis and I want to apply for a different ISP but currently only PLDT has services here :( I wanna move out! Haha :p

I woke up last thursday with a pain in my abdomen and I couldn't stand up so my sis drove me to the hospital >< turned out I have UTI again huhu. They gave me pain killers so it wouldn't hurt. And I got reprimanded by my mom and boyfriend for not taking care of myself @_@

It's just the beginning of the term yet I'm already stressed out --what's the worst that could happen?

and the other side

so i guess there's really balance in life. lol. lost my computer few days ago or something. it won't boot up. hayyy...had a "thesis conference" few days ago. finally told them how i felt with our team but they felt strongly about me too so things clashed. oh hell. i just hope i can actually finish my part this way. it's so hard for me >< huhuhu. i always feel like, alone. but then again we made it throught thes1&2 without doing things together, without overnights and stuff. but programming is so much different huhu. this is like the first time i've actually coded without me doing the primary/completely separate code and i'm having a hard time being separated from my coding partner. so alone huhu.

aside from thinking bout thesis matters, im just completely frustrated with the computer at home. first off, it always freezes and the internet is dialup. totally turtle >< and the comp finally gave up on me. as in CRAP! first, I couldn't connect to the internet. So I said to myself, "hell I'll try tomorrow", THEN next morning it just won't frickin boot up!!! Argh. Dad says its the motherboard but I think the hard disk is corrupted.

anyway, i'll be back in the phils by the first day of school. i miss boss :( i miss gw :( hehehe :p

sooo happy

went to some pool/resort of some sort to celebrate ate's, ate reyma's and ate joy's bdays. woohoo it was tons of fun. I didn't use my digicam but i hope those who did use theirs upload the pics :p swimming swimming swimming :D

sooo i guess im really happy with my life now, lol. i'm just...happy :D really happy :D hope i'll stay this way forever ;)

after the outing, mark and i watched spiderman 3 then i took a bus to tarlac. im now here in tarlac >< on the bus, i was seated next to a friendly girl named jona (or at least it was pronounced that way). we talked about stuff...i know im happy..and im so blessed right now, but as we talked more about our lives, i feel more blessed and more happy that i can actually say I'M REALLY HAPPY :P you know, it's a different kind of feeling to feel the need to pray everyday and thank God for everything, for the happiness...for the company...for the love...

as long as i have this, i know i can always be a better person than yesterday. hehe wala lang ako maisip :p but i really feel this way. i may seem crazy, too happily crazy, but this is how i feel. i just have this urge to say thank you a million times everyday because I really am thankful.

Summer Sucks.

Nothing new with my life. Thursday was course card day. Took my course cards then went home. We were supposed to go to Dampa and then some party later that night but I wasn't really feeling well (it was darn hot) so Mark and I took a cab home. Gawd it took us 2 hours to get a cab. And 20 minutes to get home. Wtf. The next day (Friday) we (Ces, schomo, me) were supposed to visit Gracia at Hyatt Manila to go swim in the pool with her. I woke up late...didn't get to go. Played Guild Wars. Mark and I were supposed to go to the Batch party cuz we got nothing better to do but he was sick so I just stayed home and played Guild Wars.

Saturday came. Alex, our guild leader in Guild Wars pm'd me and asked, "tuloy ba kayo mamaya?", I was confused since I didn't know we were supposed to meet up later that night LOL. So I said I don't know and asked Mark. Well I really wanted to go out lol so Mark said we'd go...but he figured it would be corny if there were only three of us (Lex, me, Mark) so he forced (lol) Ron and Meg to come along as well. So Mark brought his car to pick up Ron-Meg and then me and we went to Alex's place. Afterwards we headed to umm some bar near Festival Mall in alabang and talked and drank a bit. Fun fun. Then Mark drove us back home.

Sunday was church day. First we went to see the house my sis and I want to buy, so mom, dad, kuya, ate and me went to check out the model houses. Until now my parents haven't made the final decision yet. Afterwards we went to church. I didn't get enough sleep the night before so my head hurt like hell.

Monday Mark came by. It was sort of tough since ate Alona was in Tarlac so we cleaned the house again and just played Guild Wars lol. Me in my comp and Mark in ate's laptop. From that day until now, I haven't placed a single foot outside home. Mark came again today (well yesterday, cuz its 5:40 am now ) cuz well we meet everyday, but in Guild Wars haha. And later lunchtime we'll be leaving for Tarlac, then Baguio. Dunno how long I'll be gone though :( I'll miss Mark and Guild Wars :( hehehe. And Kiwi and Berry (our kittens) and Skwi and Icky (our abbyssian guinea pigs ><) lol. Anyway I was wondering why guinea pigs are named pigs. I figured maybe cuz they squeal like pigs >< yeah they squeal and squek all the time! Like pigs. Or like squeaky shoes. Even if you're not doing anything to them, they're just all by themselves in their cage @_@ noisy little animals. Hehe. But cute :p